Irvin’s Voice

issue no.2

Since launching my little blog the response has been much better than I ever expected.  My phone has been pinging all day with wonderful messages and emails from friends old, new, near and far.  In my first post I mentioned introducing myself and the family in more detail but as most people already know us I thought I would visit that later on.

Tomorrow is a big day!

Tomorrow morning brings the next meeting with consultant.  The reports from all the scans and tests on various bits of me I left behind at the hospital will have been discussed in depth by the team of specialists.  Tomorrow I find out the full diagnosis, whether or not it has spread beyond my tongue and also, hopefully a treatment plan that describes my road to recovery.

I have never been a person to discuss feelings and emotions much to the wife’s disapproval, I have an ability not to hide or surpress them but convert an emotional response into practical pieces, and look at them as parts of a puzzle and i love solving puzzles.  I keep moving these pieces around, looking at the issue from every angle I can think of, it often generates an empathy which helps me connect back to issue in question.  I’m not sure this description is entirely accurate but it goes some way to explaining what I think is my calm and considered approach to pretty much everything.  When I am calm I think much faster and so is my default setting which is hard to change.  My approach formed over the years serves me well but I often consider it a weakness in my character.

To try and describe my feelings ahead of tomorrow, well if I start on familiar ground.  In practical terms I already know that I will struggle to sleep tonight.  Not through fear or anxiousness I have those under control for now.  Its not the thought of the procedure that’s likely to follow or even what the heck to write in the next blog! It will be the little bits of puzzle in my head shifting round all the possible outcomes not from my own perspective but my family’s.  What I am struggling with is that there is now something I front of me that has the potential to have such a great cause and effect on them.  Something I have absolutely no control of, something being realistic that could take me away from them.  I must stress at this point that I am a perpetual optimist and its the positive outcomes that I ponder.  I have never afforded any time to negativity in any form and knowing what lies ahead only strengthens my view on this.

Once I have digested the outcome of tomorrows meeting I will look to add all relevant details and any dates to keep everybody up to speed.

Back soon,

Regards Irvin

Author: Irvin's Voice

Diagnosed with cancer is the most compelling thing in my life at the moment. Not being the most expressive person my blog is an insight to thoughts and feelings throughtout my recovery. View all posts by Irvin's Voice