Something for the Weekend?

Issue 8:

Following the frustration of Monday, yesterday I got the call from the hospital checking my availability for Saturday.  It was a bitter sweet moment difficult to put into words.  To try… I felt a tiredness after leaving the hospital on Monday morning, this I am sure is a physical reaction of mine to relieve stress.  This continued into Tuesday and the wife let me sleep in until mid morning.  When I eventually pulled myself together but I didn’t immediately dash for my ‘to do list’ which is hardwired into me.  Instead I found myself watching  a few hours of inane television, a very mild tonic and being so willingly complicit this was easily enough to divert my attention  from thinking to far ahead.  Without a date to focus on

Wednesday thankfully was back to normal,  an early visit to work followed by an impromptu guitar lesson. (there will be more on this new venture in the weeks to follow) Then firmly back on the ‘to-do list’ back to small practical steps my most familiar modus operandi.

Thursday, the plan was to spend some quality time relaxing not something I am used to but a very welcome idea.  Meeting friends at a local gym to lounge around in the spa followed lunch.  Just before setting off came a phone call from the hospital to ask if i am available to come in on Saturday.  As my diary is moving forward on a day to day basis there was nothing to check and I instantly agreed.  The hospital then needed to confirm attendance of the surgical team and all the other necessary bits and bobs.  This left me waiting for a call to confirm everything.  This was a bitter sweet sensation relief knowing that my treatment is getting back on track and a certain amount of trepidation something I had managed to totally overcome in the build up to Monday.  Thinking back to the beginning of the week I had nearly three weeks to build up momentum towards the big day being very careful with my focus.  On Monday I went from 100mph to 0mph in about five minutes that left me breathless.  Yesterday it was 0mph straight to 100mph with the exactly the same effect, blurring my focus a little.

Friday, today… The feeling I have towards everything today is quite different to the previous eve.  I must admit some of yesterdays trepidation is still with me, the best way to combat this is to get my list out and start ticking things off, a simple distraction is definitely a good technique for me.  After a busy morning at home the wife and I went for one last dinner date. After the school run  I found a quiet moment to sit with my daughter and explain that tomorrow is now the big day.  This was met with a round of tears which was expected.  I went through the various stages to prepare her for a second time.  The most upsetting thought for her is clearly the prospect of my voice changing.  She notably struggled with my sustained silence after the biopsy but at least this has demonstrated my powers of recovery and become an experience she can draw a positive from.  Last Sunday there didn’t seem enough hours in the day, today feels exactly the same.  I put this down to my ‘to-do list’ there is always another job to do and as the time draws near again and my tension rises I differ more and more attention to it.  Pre planning things I cant do just now and re prioritising according to the preconception of my recovery, thankfully my work is never done.

If I consider the new date good news we have a few other positives to concentrate on today, my brother in law in Australia has started to find some movement in his hand following his stroke last week which a big relief for him also my Friend Laz will be at the hospital tomorrow for the arrival of his first son, despite only being a short distance away I will have to wait a few weeks before I can meet him.  Unless there is an issue with bed availability again this will be my last post for a little while.  I have asked the wife to post in my absence to report on the immediate results and ongoing recovery until I am able to continue myself.  I would like to thank everybody for the continued support I have received, read back through comments and messages is very humbling I only hope I can display the strength they give me once the real work of getting better starts next week.

Best Regards,

Irvin

Author: Irvin's Voice

Diagnosed with cancer is the most compelling thing in my life at the moment. Not being the most expressive person my blog is an insight to thoughts and feelings throughtout my recovery. View all posts by Irvin's Voice